Why do we feel lonely ?

We are all surrounded by so many living beings, and still sometimes we feel lonely. It is a normal emotion experienced by each one of us. So if you think you are alone in feeling lonely, you are wrong.

“Many people need desperately to receive this message: ‘I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people don’t care about them. You are not alone.’” — Kurt Vonnegut

We are social beings, and it is okay for us to feel lonely when we aren’t among other social beings. But, why do we feel lonely when we are surrounded by our friends and family ? It is mainly when you feel no connection with the people you are spending time. You lack meaning in the relationship with them and you mostly feel that they don’t care about you. It is really important to have strong emotional connection with the people you are surrounded with. If you don’t have that then you are likely to feel lonely. It is the quality of social relationship that matters, not the quantity. Even if a person has a lot many friends, he might feel lonely if he doesn’t connect with anyone. Even two or three close friends are enough for a person to feel special and loved. Studies say that on an average 75% of people feel lonely at some point in our lives.

The feeling of abandonment usually attacks human when they begin to cut off themselves from the species of their own circle.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” — Joseph F. Newton Men

But is this the only reason? No, it is not. There could be many other reasons , such as,

• Betrayal from a friend could be the reason which eliminates the feeling of comradeship.
• The feeling can also arise when you lose someone close and significant.
• When you move to a new city, or shift to a new locality, you are likely to feel lonely.
• It can also be when you don’t have anyone close whom you can trust and talk to.
• It may also be when we are not feeling connected in a meaningful way to other people. This makes us feel like we are on our own.
• Apart from this, inferiority complexes also urges people to restrain themselves from their social circle. People who have low confidence consider that they are worthless and they don’t deserve to be with other people. It is dangerous and can lead to isolation which can open way two serious mental health problems.

Even celebrities who are so loved and appreciated by everyone suffer from loneliness. Even though they are constantly surrounded by people who are looking to appease them and do anything for them, the feeling of loneliness couldn’t spare them. Marilyn Monroe and Madhubala, the ethereal beauties, are acclaimed to be living a life of void and isolation despite having a great fan following.

Loneliness has a potential to harm mental health to a great extent. Though the feeling is usually temporary, but if it remains for a week or so, it can develop into depression, anxiety, and can crumble people’s self esteem. Loneliness can hit you at anytime. Person dealing with loneliness may feel empty and meaningless. They may feel like no one is there for them, anyone who can understand, help or support them. They feel like they have no one to tell how they are feeling.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO OVERCOME THIS FEELING ? HOW CAN WE COPE WITH LONELINESS ?

• Talk to someone about how you feel : expressing the feeling is the beginning of releasing it. There is no shame in talking about how you feel. If you don’t have anyone talk about it then take help of some apps. There is one app called WeHeal. It is an amazing social app which is available on Android. The app provides a platform where people can share and express what they are feeling, talk about it and ask for help. Whether it’s about your feeling of loneliness or any problem about issues like studies, careers, relationships, or heartbreak, you can talk about it there. You can write open letters on the app, to which the healers will reply and provide you with ways to get through it. You can even talk personally to the healers. No one can take any screenshots or even screen record, which makes it safe to share whatever that has been going on in your mind. The healers are the users of the app who will understand you, support you and will not judge you.

• Hangout with like-minded people : stay with people who share similar interests and belief as you or the one’s who accepts you the way you are and make you feel welcomed, loved and cared for. Stop Hangout with people you don’t feel good with. You can feel lonely if you hang out with people you don’t feel connected to.
• Go out and socialize at least once a week : force yourself to get out and meet people and try to make friends.
• Connect with people and take care of yourself (love and believe in yourself)
  

  “Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness.” — Harriet Goldhor Lerner

• Volunteer for help someone in need : going out and helping others not only makes you happy but also connects you with others and make you feel less lonely. You can also go to any old age home and give the your time. They might be feeling lonely and your presence might cheer them up. You can also help people online on the the WeHeal app. You can become a healer on WeHeal. You can provide your support and care to others in need, my understanding their problems and suggesting them solutions with the help of your experience. You can also write short inspirational stories, quotes which may encourage others.

• Spend some time with animals : animals reduce stress, anxiety and loneliness. The make us feel loved and cared for. Adopt one. If you are not ready for the responsibility of a pet, then you can volunteer at animal Shelters and spend time with them. They too feel lonely and they too need your love.
• Write it down : writing down what you feel helps you to process your emotions and get a clear idea of your situation and thoughts. You feel lighter when you write it down or do a self-talk.
• Physical activity : go for a run or a walk or do some exercise. When you do a physical activity, it releases endorphins which are feel good emotions.
• Do something creative or something which is fun for you : do something which you think you will enjoy and feel good, whether it’s painting, gardening, arts and craft, or anything that you love.
• Give yourself a reminder that it’s OK to feel lonely : life is always not fun and amazing. If these two three days were not good, doesn’t mean your whole life will remain like this. Just remember that everyday has a new beginning and it’s you who can change it.
• Join a club : explore hobbies with others. Attend classes for exercise, yoga, dancing or anything you want to do.
• Meditate : calm your body and meditate your worries away. You can get meditation session on the WeHeal app. There are three inbuilt modes in the app which provide you with meditation sessions, happiness quiz that will detect your mood, and a mini game to improve your patience level.

I would love to share a bonus tip that I read somewhere – put your hand over your heart when you are haunted by the feelings of loneliness, as sometimes lack of physical touch can be the reason of loneliness. It makes us feel safe and secure and helps us come down. Dr. Kristin Neff, in her book “Self-Compassion : The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself“, enumerates how our bodies register the care we give ourselves in a similar way that it registers the care we get from others through Physical touch. It can be anything, hold your face, or give tight hug to yourself or whatever that gives you comfort. Believe me, it works wonders.

It is not impossible to fight loneliness. We just need a bit of motivation, abundant hope and a fist full of self love.