Dealing with rejection

Rejection is the most common emotional hurt we face in our lives. Whether small (someone left a text on read, or did not invite us to their party) or large (rejection by parents or friends), it always hurts. Rejection is not accepting someone or something and deliberately pushing it away.

We all belong in a world where every single individual has a different personality and ideology. We desire to be with people who can agree with our thoughts and accepts us regardless of our flaws. We crave for acceptance and when someone rejects us, it ignites negative feelings of shame, sadness and grief. Rejection hurts our self esteem. We start finding faults in ourselves, blame ourselves. It’s can have adverse effect on the idea of self worth and confidence. All of us are members of a family, class and other groups with which we interact or play. As social beings we all have a need to belong to a social group for security, status, self-esteem, satisfaction of our psychological and social needs and goal achievement. When we are not accepted in these, we feel undeserving, unloved and unworthy. Rejection makes some of us feel like we are not wanted or valued. The rejection does make us feel bad, but the little monster inside our mind makes it worse. that little monster always tells us that we are not enough, and that no one will ever accept or love us. Never, I repeat, never Pay Attention To This Monster.

A 2003 study demonstrates that our brain responds to the emotional pain of rejection in a way that is similar to physical pain as the same brain areas activate both of them. This is why we feel an intense pain when we are rejected.

There are many types of rejection, but the most common are parental rejection, romantic rejection and social rejection. You can see a lot of cases of parental rejection, whether it is abandonment, neglect or hostility and aggression towards a child. A child can even feel rejected if both the parents are working and are not able to give time and attention to him/her. It is one of the most damaging rejection as it has long lasting effects. Parental rejection can destroy the self esteem of a child and can cause many mental health problems.

Social rejection happens when an individual is ignored and neglected by social groups (school, neighbourhood, college, workplace). Bullying, peer group rejection and exclusion are mostly seen in schools and colleges. Being fired or not getting the higher position that you deserved in your job also incite a feeling of rejection.

Romantic rejection is one thing that most of us face. You like someone, you ask them out but they reject you. We usually take it personally, which is wrong. Some even resort to violent and aggressive ways. Acid attacks, physical abuse, blackmailing, emotionally abusing, are some of the examples. What people need to understand is that rejection doesn’t diminish your value as a person. If we are interested in someone, it doesn’t always mean that they are interested in us and we need to accept that.

We humans have a fundamental need of security and acceptance and when it is jeopardized by rejection, we start to doubt ourselves. Rejection can cause many mental health problems, such as, anxiety, stress, eating disorders, self harming behaviour, suicidal thoughts and even depression. If a person has faced multiple devastating rejections since childhood, it can lead to fear of rejection, also called rejection sensitivity. The causes can be parental rejection, neglect, physical and verbal abuse, bullying, etc. This can sometimes force the person to isolate himself and not connect with others. It can even lead to loneliness and self harming behaviour which can further open gates to depression, borderline personality disorder and social anxiety. Rejection sensitive people experience higher degree of psychological distress when rejected. For this one may need to seek help of a councellor.

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION ?

Rejection is something we all face and we need to accept it and learn to deal with it. There Are Few Ways That Could Help You :

• Never take rejections personally : don’t blame yourself, blame the circumstances. Just because one person didn’t accept you, doesn’t mean other people won’t. If you think that you did something wrong, then try to make it right. Rejection teaches us to not make the same mistakes again and again.
• Talk to someone : share what you are feeling with someone who understands you and loves you (parents or friends). We all need to feel wanted and loved. If you feel rejected call someone who values you and who will be happy to hear your voice. If you don’t have someone to share your feelings with, then you can take help of a app called WeHeal. WeHeal is a social app which aims at helping people to heal. We all go through such phases in life when we feel sad, rejected and stressed. WeHeal app provides your platform where you can share what ever you are feeling through open letters or personal chats. The healers or the users of the app will reply to your open letter with a solution . If you don’t want to discuss your problem openly, then you can use the personal chat feature. Even if you are having other problems like issues related to career, studies, relationship etc. or are not able to cope with any other stressful situation, you can take help of this app.
• Surround yourself with supportive people or even animals : spend time with people who love you and make you feel good. It makes you realise that you still have people and things that accept you and love you. Pets help you ease the negative feelings of rejection.
• Convert the negative thoughts into positive affirmations : instead of saying that you are worthless or unloved, say that you are loved and one person or an incident can not define you.
• Indulge in physical activity : Go for a walk or run, or do exercise. It releases endorphin – the feel good hormone.
• Meditate your stress away : meditation helps you to calm down and cope with stress. The WeHeal app provides you with meditation sessions. There are three inbuilt modes in the app which provide you with meditation sessions, happiness quiz that will detect your mood, and a mini game to improve your patience level.

• Do something that makes you happy : do things that you enjoy and which makes you feel relaxed. You can even watch series or movie you love.
• Help others : change your negative feelings into positive actions. Volunteer to help others. With WeHeal app you can help others too. You can become a healer on the app. You can provide your support and care to others in need, by understanding their problems and suggesting them solutions with the help of your experience. You can also write short inspirational stories, quotes which may encourage others.

Rejection hurts but it doesn’t mean that you’ll allow it to hold you back and criticize yourself. Don’t let it damage your self-esteem. Use rejection to improve yourself.